TW: Abusive relationships 50 Shades of Domestic Violence
I keep meaning to do a proper post where I go through all the DV checklists & find examples in the 50 Shades series. But that requires me to re-read all three books & I’m not about that life. So we’ll go with controlling behavior & Ana’s inner thoughts and feelings. Anyone with a stronger stomach is welcome to tackle Christian’s belittling & violent behavior. I made it through these two checklists & now my soul hurts. These books are awful on so many levels, but the worst part to me is that this is supposed to a romantic escape from reality. There’s nothing romantic about watching someone go through the cycles of abuse, until she gives up & gives into his every whim.
Does your partner:
act excessively jealous and possessive?
Shortly after their first meeting Christian follows Ana to a night club where he sees her being kissed by her friend Jose. He gets angry at her and the friend despite the fact that he has no romantic relationship with Ana at that point. For the rest of the book, any mention of Jose upsets him.
control where you go or what you do?
One of the ways Christian expresses his concern for Ana’s well being is by demanding that she tell him where she’s going and when. He uses the GPS chip in her phone to track her movements, and follows her when she leaves town to visit her mother in order to press his case for a sexual relationship once again.
keep you from seeing your friends or family?
Christian talks Ana into signing a non disclosure agreement about their relationship before telling her he wants her to be sexually submissive. As a result of that agreement she can’t legally confide in anyone about the nature of their relationship. The secrecy is a strain, and rather than lie to anyone she has to continually turn to him with anything that concerns her about what he wants from her.
limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
Christian decides he doesn’t like the look of Ana’s classic car. He buys her a new one, and badgers her into agreeing to sell her vehicle. After she sells her car, Christian continuously tries to find reasons to keep her from driving the new car he’s purchased for her.
constantly check up on you?
Christian emails Ana constantly, and gets upset when she doesn’t respond on his timetable. He admits to using her phone to track her movements, and makes jokes about stalking her.
- feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
Ana is constantly worried about Christian being angry with her & is hesitant to speak up or push back when he gets upset. Even when she does fight back she usually folds in a matter of minutes & gives him what he wants.
- avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
There are too many examples to list. Ana spends more time managing his emotions than she does taking care of her own.
- feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
Christian wants a submissive partner & refuses to accept that Ana is not submissive. She keeps trying because she loves him & he uses that to hurt her.
- believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
Ana decides Christian’s so perfect that there must be something wrong with her every time they have a fight. This guy takes over her life, punishes her sexually for not being at home when a would be kidnapper shows up (he was wrong, she saved herself by going out with a friend & that seems to upset him the most), and Ana somehow winds up convinced it’s her fault too.
- wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
Ana spends a lot of time confused, upset, & crying, but she doesn’t seem to connect that with Christian’s treatment of her. Instead she focuses on what she thinks she’s doing wrong in their relationship & strives to normalize his antics.
- feel emotionally numb or helpless?
Ana can’t even manage to stay angry with Christian. She’s so numb that when he embarrasses her at work in a bid to get her to change her last name she agrees to do it despite her own feelings on the matter. She comes the closest to being able to stay mad at him at the end of the 3rd book & even then she forgives him again.
sounds a lot like twilight.
… oh wait.
I think Twilight is less disturbing. Yes I know how that sounds. No I don’t feel good about saying it, but E.L. James made Twilight worse & I think we should all acknowledge that sad reality.